I am writing this on an aeroplane on my way home from holiday which has been filled with a deep sense of understanding and coming of age. It is the eve of the Hay House World Summit and during my break I have been reading the remarkable new book from Dr Wayne W. Dyer – I Can See Clearly Now.
I am only half way through but I knew I had to read it on this holiday. I had made a purposeful trip to buy the book because I wanted to hold and feel it. Not just download it. I felt I needed it to be an experience for all of my senses. It was important to fully feel it and this morning as I sat on my balcony looking out at the mountains on this volcanic island I read this:
“I am connected to you, dear reader-though we may have no physical linkage, there’s an energy flowing between the two of us. Neither of us knows how mind-altering it may be, or how far-reaching its extent. I know this for certain as I see more and more clearly.”
It felt like the world stopped turning and I was heightened in my awareness of my inner-self.
The words I am reading in this book are like music to my ears. My life up to now has been leading to this point of clarity, inner acceptance and understanding. I identified with the struggle of not being understood in my younger life. I constantly battled against things that seemed to contradict themselves at school and stifle my simple desires. Why would I want to be in a French lesson when my drum teacher would allow me to spend the morning learning about the one thing that made my heart literally skip a beat. Why when at music college and I had the opportunity to tour with the London Philharmonic Orchestra was I officially refused permission to go because I would miss a college wind band rehearsal?! Surely I was being given the opportunity that this conservatoire was training me for? I would never understand the system. I went anyway!
There are many stories like these but the important point is I have always known that my passion is music. When I perform it is as if I am speaking in my true tongue, from my soul. Everything else in day to day life had seemed irrelevant in comparison. I have since learnt the beauty and connection with this joy in all life through my relationship with my wife and the young unashamed vision given to me by my daughter. In her room we have a quote that says ‘Trust me I know what I’m doing’. This reminds me to listen to her innate wisdom. I now see beauty in everything, everywhere. From the roses in my garden to a child being truly heard for the first time by someone who is listening.
I have been at odds with myself between choosing a life as a professional musician and having a deep knowing that the joy I feel when performing not just needs to be shared, but explained somehow. I now see it is sharing this joy and helping others to live their own passion and true life that excites me. I can create my own future and I will combine both of these passions not decide between one or the other.
I can see that being a musician is very central to who I am and how I connect to my source. I know and have been praised from my earliest performing days at school through to my professional career that when I perform it touches people. I now understand this is because in that space I am truly speaking to the world in my way. This state of awareness produces something in me and the audience that I must continue to fully express and I know it will result in a full time post where I am fully free to be me. My life as freelance musician-being ‘played’ by the music business-is something I now see was important to experience and understand. I never felt comfortable doing what was needed in a non-musical manner to be accepted by others to enhance my career. Playing music is the only thing that is important to me.
But more than that I want to share the joy and passion I have found and find a way to explain it for everyone to feel. This could be anything that lights up their life and exposes their passion, but knowing it is there and being able to explain what it feels like seems so important to me. The great and insightful teachings of Dr Wayne W. Dyer are helping me to see and feel this and I know we are connected and I am excited to know that we will one day meet, I’m sure of it. His voice in his book is like God talking to my heart. Exactly how or when this will take place I don’t know, but my fear of living a ‘normal’ life while knowing joy, is disappearing into a new awakening that is exciting, full and real. I am asking for help from within to follow these feeling through because I understand that it is important to so many people.
So on this flight as I listen to the music I performed as I fell in love, I am sat next to my wife, with my children around me. I am finally going home.